Day 139 - God Gave us Memory

To be honest and fair, part of this post is not a happy post. If you are bothered by such things, be warned.

I make every effort not to consciously offend anyone through my art and my posts. 

But, this is how I feel. I’m nearing the next decade of my life (which I know I’ve said before) and perhaps that’s the reason for introspection.

I’ve struggled with my belief in, and relationship with God. My policy is not to discuss religion or politics. Today I break my own policy. . .

I believe that there is a supreme being. I call that being God. Sometimes I’ve been so angry that I could spit nails. Sometimes I’ve been so grateful I had no words. I’ve come to one major conclusion. God is big enough to deal with my temper tantrums about not getting MY way in MY timing and all of my confusion.

As I’ve taken a few days away from my canvas project, it’s been good to step back and reflect. I’m sure that Mother’s Day helped encourage my need to pull back for a day or two.

I miss my mother a lot. There are a lot of things I don’t miss about her, too.

But I deeply miss the way that she made me feel when I walked into her presence. This holiday (although created by a card conglomerate to sell cards and stuff) still packs a punch - albeit a bit less each year. Hence, the need to get my house in order - literally and figuratively. My studio is the apartment that we built onto our home for Mom to live with us because I saw no other choice at the time. There are moments when this space looms - empty - and I wish she were back here. The rest of the time I love it. I’m grateful for it. I even feel her presence at times. This was a space built just for her. I never thought about what it would become when she left.

As you can see, lots of emotions bubbling to the surface. . .

I’ve spent the past few days reorganizing my space and opening up my creative area. It had become piled with stuff; all generated by yours truly. I’m still not completely finished, but it’s getting much closer to being comfortable again.

The other thing I did was to deal with the canvases that had accumulated from several weeks of creating. I love having my own stuff around me. Perhaps that sounds egotistical, but it’s the truth. Each canvas reminds me about a moment in time when I said, “That’s it!” It felt complete - with the message that I needed.

All but one, that is. Day 115 was forced. I was trying to “finish” something and quickly get it posted in order to stay with my self-imposed goal. As I was putting the canvases around my house, I realized that Day 115 just wouldn’t have it. I couldn’t put it up. It wasn’t honest.

I’d tempered the text to be palatable. My inner self demanded transparency and so after arguing about it, I finally said, “Yes.” Here is the canvas as it is now. I have added many more layers and used the quote from James M. Barrie as it was originally stated without my editing. “God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.”

When I watched my mother ebbing away and sometimes only recognizing me as the nice girl who helped her, I realized that MEMORY is a part of me that I will never take for granted. Where did it come from? Where does it go? Why do some people lose it at a young age, others at an old age, and others never lose their memory? I don’t know, nor am I asking for an explanation. 

It’s simply rhetorical. 

It makes me think. 

It makes me grateful. 

Right now - in every moment - I get to choose what I remember. In December, in fact, I can remember the show that my Roses put on in May and June. When I haven’t visited the ocean in a couple of years, I can still visit every time I close my eyes and feel the sand between my toes and the waves lapping against my ankles. I’m instantly transported back to the moment of my son’s first kindergarten music concert that was past his bedtime. He tried so hard to sing the songs, but instead spent most of the time yawning. I’m glad he didn’t sing. I’m sure I wouldn’t have stored that memory. :-)

Somehow, I was given the ability to remember - for now and hopefully forever. I choose to call the being who created such a gift, God. 

And to God I say, “Thank you.” And for all the times that I took my memory for granted, I say, “Thank you.”

Day 134 - Happy Mother’s Day!

I have to admit that Mother’s Day brings mixed emotions with it. I am a mother and I’ve always loved being a mother.

I’m forever grateful that my husband and I decided to become parents. There’s just nothing quite like being a parent and unless you’ve experienced the joys and challenges of parenting, it’s difficult to explain. 

My husband surprised me with a bouquet of beautiful mums last evening and a beautifully meaningful card. I felt quite special!

Today my day began with a delivery man ringing my doorbell. He brought me a vase of flowers from my sweet son. A few hours later, our son called and wished me a happy day. No matter how frequently I talk with him, there’s just nothing like hearing his voice. I know that sounds silly, but it’s the truth!

The flip side of the coin is that my mother has been gone now for more than five years. I was very lucky to have her in my life until she was well over 90 years old, so I have nothing to complain about. However, I do miss her and many things she said and did. (There are a few things I don’t miss, too. *smile*)

Last night when I was working on my canvas, I was also listening to Karen Ellis’ Ustream broadcast. She was showing her version of a technique that she learned from Stephanie Ackerman of homegrownhospitality. I listened to Karen’s entire show and then visited Stephanie’s blog to see what else she’s been doing. I really enjoyed poking around her blog! If you have a few minutes, check it out!

My canvas today is my version of Stephanie’s technique. I began with a masonite panel that I slathered with gesso and paper. Then I smeared on some wall spackling compound and let it dry. After another coat of gesso, I started on the background. This time I used some pastel craft acrylic paints, alcohol ink, and a final coat of gesso. The surface has the appearance of stucco. Rather cool, actually!

One of the things I did as I was caring for my mother was to make a running list of her favorite things. Even though I’d always lived in the same town with my mother, I’d never really gotten to know her as a person. She was always “Mom.” When she moved in with us, I was privileged to really get to know her - something for which I will always be grateful.

Tonight I used my list and began writing the most important parts of it on a piece of Strathmore Visual Journal paper. I used several different sizes of Pitt pens and lots of different hand writing styles. After I filled the page, I wet it with a big brush, and with my set of Bienfang Watercolor Brushes, I added the color. I’ve not used these brushes very much, because I really don’t know how they are meant to be used. I decided that this would be a great place to try them. The colors are actually quite intense and don’t seem to reactivate much with water after they’ve dried.

Next, I cut out random letters from my created text paper and attached them to the background with Golden Matte Soft Gel Medium. I love the look of the doodled letters.

I shaded the around the letters with a charcoal pencil and edged the canvas with Lamp Black Americana craft paint.

I enjoyed remembering my mom’s favorite things today. . . 

Mom, although I miss you and the experiences we shared, I’m so glad we were able to share our lives with each other. I cherish the memories. I love you!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Stay Artified,

Barb

PS. I may have to take a few days away from this experiment. I have a bunch of stuff I need to get caught up. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be back soon. :-)

Day 133 - Just Shine

Fun day today!

My hubs built extensions for our bicycles that attach to the rear wheel axels so that we can take our two dogs along as we ride. Their short leashes attach to carabiners and springs that hook to each extension. They love to go for a bike ride. Of course, each of them likes to be up front!

Today, we rode about a mile to Starbucks for breakfast and coffee. Both Sandi and Muppet love Starbucks. When Muppet joined our family, I walked both dogs several miles each day and we often walked through the drive-up at Starbucks. We don’t walk quite as much now, but they still think we should do the drive-up for a treat.

I used the mermaid logo from a Starbucks paper bag on the canvas today and about 20 layers of  collage, paint, ink, stencils and stamping. Well, 20 might be a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea. I just kept adding stuff, trying to get a direction for this canvas. 

With all the stars, I decided that “Just Shine” was the message for today.

I ripped a page from a journal that had left over paint smeared on it and randomly cut out the letters and glued them to the surface. I like it. The message is good.

Just Shine.

Neither I nor you have to BE or DO anything. Just Shine. Just be good at who we are. Nothing else. Just Shine.

My life also shines because of many amazing and very special people.

There are too many to name, but you know who you are. I’m better for knowing each of you, and you definitely make my life shine. Thank you!

Stay Artified,

Barb

Day 132 - The Nest Egg

I used to find image transfer disastrous! Recently, with a new attitutde, I played around with lots of different surfaces to see if I could get better results. This is a masonite panel with an acrylic paint basecoat. I honestly don’t remember what acrylic paint color is beneath the transfer, but it's reasonably good! :-)

If you want the truest colors, the color beneath the transfer needs to be white or off-white. If you don’t care, just go for it! Apparently, I didn’t care because I think I began with an aqua basecoat.

The image is eggs surrounded by large hands that are holding them. I really like the image and I’ve used it several times in other ways. The transfer is kind of hit and miss, which has been my typical result with this technique. Be that as it may, I really like the distressed appearance.

After the transfer, I added a few more layers of stuff and then another collage egg image and the words, “The Nest Egg.”

I began thinking about nest eggs and what those words mean to me.

In our culture, the nest egg symbolizes money that’s been set aside for the future.

In my little corner of the world, I think my nest egg is far, far bigger than money. Money is fine and I enjoy it, but limiting my nest egg to only money feels so shortsighted. To me, nest egg symbolizes resources and freedom to be and do anything I wish to do.

That must mean that I have lots of nest eggs. . .

• My Friends
• My Ideas
• My art supplies
• My books
• My animals
• My husband, son, and grandchildren
• My stash of fabrics, threads, fibers, and laces
• My studio

 to name a few. :-)

Other than that, no big insight tonight. My Ustream broadcast today was so much fun. I began designing a cloth doll today. She could be Ms. Muse, but I’m not sure. If she’ll let me, I’ll take her photo and post it when she's finished.

Stay Artified,

Barb

Day 131 - If flowers Could Talk

I love this little quote that is attributed to one of my favorite people, “Anonymous.” What a wise person Anonymous is, but why he or she would prefer to be hidden from sight is a mystery to me. :-)

In case you have trouble reading my scribbles, it says, “If flowers could talk, what would they say. . . Would they ask how you’re doing and if you could play. . .”

I truly love that thought. I can’t remember the last time someone asked me if I could play. Lots of people ask me how I am, but it seems that once you’re an adult, playing is left to kids.

The truth is I play almost every day in my studio. I don't care what anyone else thinks about it either. I’ve done my time being serious and if I’m not careful, I can still get caught up in being too serious. That’s exactly why I come to my studio and begin experimenting with my stuff.

I rarely know what’s going to happen when I begin playing. I always know what’s going to happen when I being working, however. Struggle. I struggle to get the right colors - the right composition - the right images - the right words.

Whey I play, it’s effortless. Something spills and I go with it. I cover something up that I didn’t intend to and realize that it was exactly the right thing to happen. Ideas flow. Inspiration appears. Play is always fun. Production is optional.

This canvas is one of those pieces that is the essence of playing. I have no idea really what’s on it or how many different things I used nor how many layers there are. All I can tell you is that I had a great time and here it is. :-)

Stay Artified,

Barb 

PS. My Ustream broadcast is tomorrow (Friday) at 2 EST. Pop in if you like. Love to have you!